YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES, PRINCETON REVIEW!

I recently read an article on the Bradley website that claimed BU was ranked a top 368 school by The Princeton Review. Considering that Bradley did churn out brilliant minds such as Anne and myself, I have no doubt that it is one of America’s top schools. B (cha cha cha cha) R (cha cha cha cha ) A D L E Y! However, the article did not tell me what number Bradley was ranked at. So I went on a Google search to determine if Bradley was a Top 10er, or snuck in at number 368…

My Google search obviously landed me at the Peoria Journal Star – a brilliant local paper that leaves no story untold. The PJ Star pointed out to me that The Princeton Review does not rank schools from 1 to 368, instead just gives schools points in a variety of areas. It seems to me that you could then add up these points and determine a winner, but I guess these people at Princeton did not consider this obvious possibility (clearly these people are not Bradley graduates). The PJ Star also pointed out that Bradley was ranked the 4th WORST library in the nation! Now I spent many hours at the Cullom-Davis Library, and I can tell you – this claim by The Princeton Review is a falsity! After I read this astonishing fact, I started reminiscing with Anne about all the reasons I LOVE that library. I love the Cullom-Davis Library so much that I felt it deserved one of my awesome blogs. So without further adieu, here are the top 5 reasons I love the Cullom-Davis Library:

5. Study group – Anne and I used candy to bribe smart people (as well as not so smart, but extremely attractive soccer players) to help us with accounting. This allowed us to meet such interesting characters as Hayes “I keep knocking up my girlfriends” Macman, and Randy “I learn by staring” Hoppe. And meeting these people led to adventures in East Peoria as well as at the Circuit City. On top of the fun extracurriculars that came out of study group, it was basically the reason we managed to pass Intermediate Accounting (thanks to those who let us copy the take-home final). And for that I am forever indebted to the library.

4. Sitting next to the 2nd floor windows and watching people walk in and out of the library. I could break up my studying with my people watching (aka stalking). This was most important sophomore year when Agnes and I were stalking Dan and Brian. But that is a completely different story.

3. The 3rd floor was dedicated to athletes. I could go there to print things for free while all the “regulars” printed downstairs for a dime. I also insisted on going to study tables every now and then in an attempt to pick up gorgeous soccer players.

2. Anne worked there. Duh.

1. This is where the inspiration for The Smock Shop was born. The Cullom-Davis Library was a meeting ground from Indians With Dots, and had Randy “Stares” Hoppe let us use his camera phone to take pictures, I am sure we would have had sufficient research to open the Smock Shop. Thanks for crushing our dreams Stares.

That is all I have to say about the LIB. I do have to mention one last thing about Bradley before I wrap up this blog…although I have spoken very highly of Bradley over the last few paragraphs (and even went so far as to break out the BRADLEY cheer), I have not forgiven the housing director (Mr Mike Murphy) for stealing my money in the spring of 2005. And I still refuse to give money to the University until I have recovered my loss (according to the time value of money calculation that Dr Wilcox figured out (because I sadly couldn’t do it alone), I have until 2015. I just don’t want any of my loyal blog readers to think that I give up on my grudges. This girl is not a quitter!

OH THANK GOD - I'M STILL ALIVE AND BLOGGING

I cannot believe how long it has been since I last blogged. It is difficult to keep up with my busy life - working, driving down Highway 2 (GF to the west, Duluth to the east), complaining about my broken TV, stalking people on the internet, and eating my weight in M&M Blizzards - but I see the error of my ways and will make blogging a priority going forward. Thank you to my faithful followers for sticking by me during this dark period.

So after months of anticipation, what will my blog be about? The ridiculous price of gas? Eating 3/4 of a watermelon in one sitting? My upcoming marathon? The absurd views of my unreasonably Republican brother-in-law? My love of Lauren Conrad and hatred of Heidi and Spencer? All great topics, but not todays topic. Today I am going to write about my new love - the pretzel/icee combo meal at Target.

Why do I love the pretzel/icee combo meal? For starters, it is $2.65. If you get only the pretzel, it will cost you $2. If you get only the Icee, it will cost you $2. You are basically getting one of the items for free. As a cheap accountant who only enjoys spending money on big ticket, impulse purchases - I am thrilled to spend less than $3 on a pretzel/icee lunch. Also, you get this food almost instantaneously. Nobody really goes to Target for lunch, so there isn't a line from the lunch rush. And you can peruse the store while finishing your Icee - Lord knows how much I love Target to begin with, so throw an Icee in there and I will never leave. What I cannot figure out is what happened to Blue Raspberry? My only options in Bemidji are White Cherry and Orange Crush. It continues to baffle me that there are people who love Orange flavored drinks. Who are you people? And how did that cherry icee get white anyway? These are questions you can ponder in your down time.

I will now leave you to post a blog on debithilarity.blogspot.com - which Anne has been keeping up all by herself for months now. Due to her amazing work ethic and ability to keep her eye on the prize, she will certainly become a celebrity before the rest of us. I can't wait til you all see me hanging out in Anne's kitchen on an episode of Cribs.

UNACCEPTABLE. UNACCEPTABLE.

Temperature reading on my car thermometer this morning: -22
Temperature reading on weather.com: -31
Temperature reading on the digital thermometer at work: --- That's right, it broke from the cold.
I can't even laugh about this anymore. It really is awful.
Tune in next week to see if I survived the cold.

MOMENT OF TRUTH

In the midst of this horrible writer's strike, I salute FOX for coming out with reality show after reality show.  Thank God someone out there cares enough to keep me entertained!  Fox really hit the jackpot when they created "The Moment of Truth."  I love watching idiots go on national television and ruin their own lives.  For instance, last week the dude confessed that he would want his wife to have lipo if she gained weight.  He then confessed that he has put off having children because he doesn't know if he considers his wife his "life partner".  And after he completely pissed off his wife - he lied, lost the $100k he could have walked away with, and left with nothing but his bitter wife.  Hilarious.  I can't wait til this show grows in popularity, they come out with a celebrity version, and then have a "Where are they now" follow-up to the lives that were ruined.  I'm sure it is terrible that I get so much joy out of other people's misery - but if you are going on a show like this, you really just deserve it!  

Now the big question of today is - if my non-existent husband wanted to go on this show, how much money would I demand that he win in order to make up for the pain and suffering I felt at the hand of his honesty?  I think I would demand he win the $100k and then quit.  I can deal with the fact that my husband wants me to get lipo if I have a lifetime of shopping to look forward to.  And just like that, another important decision in my life has been made.

ANTICIPATION!

4 years ago, Anne and I watched an infomercial for The Magic Bullet Blender/Mixer system. We were captivated by its ability to turn regular table sugar into powdered sugar - honestly, who hasn't been looking for a way to powder their own sugar? Well tonight is the night - after four years of anticipation - I will attempt to use my Magic Bullet Blender/Mixer to powder my own sugar! I see no way that this could fail!

AMPED!

Last night I purchased Tae Bo AMPED! at my local Target store. My thought was that it would allow me to still get my exercise on days when I was too lazy to brave the cold and go to the gym. But let me tell you - Tae Bo AMPED kicked my a*s. It was 52 minutes of pure agony, with Billy Blanks lecturing me about having to "feel the pain to lose the pounds" the entire time. I would rather go to the gym every day of my life than touch that 3 pound bar of death (technical name "The Amplifier Bar") ever again! If I could even lift my arms today, I would take that amplifier bar and use it to teach Billy Blanks a lesson. I guess that no matter how great the infomercial makes it look - exercise is not fun!!! Who knew?

I'M BACK...YOU KNOW IT!

This afternoon I stumbled across my own blog, read it, and remembered that I am one of the two most hilarious people on earth (behind Anne of course). And due to the inspiration I felt by reading my own blog, I decided to quit my blog hiatus and make a comeback. Of course I don't really have time to blog at work anymore, due to ridiculous year-end close, and my computer at home is having some technical difficulties...so blogs will be shorter than usual. But a short blog from me is better than no blog at all. I am certain you all agree. Here for your viewing enjoyment is a list of all the things I am thinking about today:

-Bemidji winter is not so bad as people said it would be. Its been above freezing for days now, and hasn't been below zero in quite some time. But here is the big question - why was it 40+ degrees all weekend and unbelievably sunny all week - but none of the snow on my driveway is melting? Melt already dammit.
-Accounting: it is not the black and white world that is was made out to be in college. I think if Dr Wilcox knew how many shades of grey there are in the real world, I would have scored much higher on his exams. All that time I thought I was dumb, but really I was just using creative accounting techniques that were beyond his comprehension.
-LG Chocolate Phone: I hate this piece of crap. Don't even get me started.
-The Writers Strike: What the eff? I bet there have been at least two dozen suicides that can be attributed to the writers strike so far. I am soon to be one of them. Stop robbing my life of hilarity, greedy writers.

That is all I have time for today. Make sure to check back later this week when I (hopefully) find my blogging stride once again.